WEIGHTY MATTERS

Let’s dish a bit about yarn diets, shall we? I’m currently trying to be on one. I was having success until today. I read some blogs where people say they are on a yarn diet, and others where people think they should go on a yarn diet, and some where people say they don’t believe in yarn diets. I think this topic would make a good quiz item. Here’s a sample question:

What is your attitude toward yarn diets?

--Yarn diets aren’t good for you. You should aim for a well-rounded stash.
--I don’t need to be on a yarn diet. I budget for my yarn, and I stick to my budget. I never overbuy. I have just the right amount for my needs. By the way, I have no friends.
--I never count grams or yards. If I like it, I buy it.
--It’s important to always have something green, and something yellow or orange on your needles. That will keep you yarn healthy.
--I’d love to buy alpaca, but it makes my skin break out.
--I can’t buy just one skein. I start with one, and then I go crazy.
--Yarn diet? Why would anyone want to do that?
--I have 572 projects in progress. Therefore, I have no stash. So I always need to buy more yarn.
--IT’S CHEAPER THAN THERAPY!! (My personal favorite)

For those of us who do feel we need to cut back on our BMI (Buying Merchandise Index) I’m proposing a variety of yarn diets, to match our different personality and lifestyle needs.

Yarn Watchers. Great Adirondack is 25 points a skein. Noro is 7 points. Lion Brand is 3 points. Red Heart is 1 point. You are allowed 25 points a month. Do the math. We meet once a week. Keep a log of your points spent. If you’ve been good, you get a pink stitch marker. When you collect 5 pink markers, you get a blue one too.

Yarn Busters plan. As long as you stay away from the high fuzz stuff you can buy anything you want in moderation.

The 8 Minutes in the Morning routine. You only stay in a yarn shop for 8 minutes. It really revs up your energy, and how much damage can you do in 8 minutes?

In extreme cases, consider finger bypass surgery.Your fingers are sewn together up to your first knuckle. You can still knit, but not for very long at a time. As your ability to knit shrinks, your need for more stash will shrink too.

The South Beach, North Fork, East Valley, West Mountain diet. This works no matter where you are on the compass points. In Stage One, eliminate all yarn containing wool or silk. Cotton is okay as long as it is solid color, with no visible sheen. Stay away from all variegated skeins, and absolutely nothing hand-dyed. Texture is a bad idea too. Above all, do not buy gorgeous colors. You can have all the beige yarn you want. In Stage Two, nothing changes. There is no Stage Two. If you’re really serious about saving money, you have to commit to Stage One forever.

Diets always have rules, of course, and where there are rules there are exceptions. I haven’t bought yarn since December started. Except for…..
Here are my allowable exceptions:
1. Yarn for gift projects is perfectly acceptable.
2. Yarn for a class I’m taking is quite okay.
3. When there is a truly super sale on a yarn I know without question that I need for a future project, and the future means in the next couple of months, that is okay.
4. When I’m traveling out of state, at a yarn shop with the most amazing inventory, the likes of which I just never see at my local shops, and it’s a yarn that I know I’ll regret not having in my stash, and I can already visualize it being used in 7 different possible projects, and it will give me great pleasure to look at even if I don’t get around to using it soon, it’s okay to buy it. Besides, then it comes out of my travel souvenir budget instead of my yarn budget so it doesn’t even count.
5. And here’s the new rule I just added to cover today’s purchase. When there’s a project I know I’m going to do relatively soon (within 5 months or so), and it requires a variety of different yarns in various textures and shade variations, and when I walk into a yarn shop to buy just a magazine, but they don’t have the magazine, and some yarn for this eventual project catches my eye and I know unquestionably that it will be perfect for this eventual project, and the total cost is really no more than a nice dinner out, then it’s not okay to buy it, but it’s not the end of the world either, so if I succumb I won’t lose any sleep over it, so what the heck, I bought it, so sue me!

Anyone have exceptions I haven’t thought of yet?

And here’s the yarn that tempted me beyond my endurance today. I’m planning another colorjoy stolestole in black and white and silver shades.(aka LynnH's Frou-Frou stole) I want this one to be glitzy and sparkly. I have a couple skeins already in stash (picture on the left) and the new stuff is on the right. Berroco’s Quest and Opulent FX. This one isn’t for me, but I may have to make two of them, because what I’m visualizing is not going to be easy to give up.

Comments

[Brenda]

Very, very funny post! I can so relate to it all!

[Sonja]

Now I have to clean the monitor screen, I just spit water on it laughing! You certainly have a way with words. I'm the one 572 projects going, so therefore, don't have a stash. Thanks for the smiles, Sharon.

[Sarah]

And you still haven't found the magazine? That means you have to go into another yarn store . . .

[Patty]

I love your yarn diet quiz ... but what about being prepared for a big snowstorm, you've got to have enough yarn in your stash for some good snowbound knitting!

[Amber]

All that glitzy yarn looks like a fun project! I hope its as much fun to knit as it is to look at! I love your yarn diet-breaker justifications, and have probably used most of them in one form or another to justify buying more (and more, and more) yarn. Heck, its a hobby, its an obssession, its just a way of life!

[Laura S]

LOL!! I'm a newbie, so not too much of a stash YET!! I loved your post though, hilarious!!

Your yarn finds look gorgeous.

[sarah b.]

Okay, that started my morning off laughing! I am a yo-yo yarn dieter. I cut down for a little while and make some progress on my stash, then I buy more (a bunch more) and need to go back on my yarn diet. :-) Right now, I WANT MORE!

[bookish]

I got this (in swedish, I translated)from a fellow knitter here in Sweden:

Yarn shops are an alternative to pool shops - where men hang out, playing with their friends, pooling away their salary.
In the yarn shops we - mostly women - give vent to our social needs and INVEST our salary into coming quality projects.

You only live once - if we have more than one life we don't know, so why gamble?

I vote for no yarn diets!

[abby]

ROFL! that was fabulous! i think you really hit the nail on the head. the way i manage it is this: right now i don't have enough money to buy enough nice yarn to make my first sweater. also, i AM having gastric bypass surgery in may so my total amount of yarn required will hopefully be extremely reduced (smaller me = less yarn). i tend to buy somewhere between $30-$60 every time i go in the yarn store. i'm gonna try to stop that and maybe save enough for a sweater in something nice and soft. i'm just rambling now, but what a fabulously amusing post!

[Vera]

That was funny. I didn't realize I had been trying to yarn diet. I had been trying to use the yarn I have in my stash. Then , I just found out there's a new LYS coming to town.

Diet Over.

[Lisa]

--I never count grams or yards. If I like it, I buy it. --That definitely describes me. That's why I seem to have all this beautiful yarn with not enough for a good sized project.

Thanks for making me remember to update my Yahoo profile-- We're actually in White Lake now (in a house), and we were in an apartment in Novi before. What a small world-- I use to sub at Walled Lake and Novi schools. :)

[Mindy]

Don't forget the Atkins Yarn Diet, where you are only allowed to purchase merino for the first month, then you can gradually introduce angora, mohair, cashmere and acrylic/wool blends; but under no circumstances are you allowed lambswool, cotton or any type of chenille.

[Donna]

This was perfect - and very funny! As a yarn dieter nervously eyeing an EBay auction for Tahki Soho Tweed that's cheaper than dirt and that I *need* to make Banff, I can totally relate to rules and exceptions. Never mind that at my current rate of knitting, I'll get to Banff next winter...

[Susan Ramsey]

My favorite has always been the Kaffe Fattest Diet, where EVERYTHING is allowed as long as it's just one skein, since one skein can be spread over several Kaffeish projects. It does, however, like many high-fiber diets, require/provide a lot of bulk -- you need to keep feeding your stash.

[Plumwine]

Oh my GOD, this is brilliant! I got here from Big Fat Blog, and I just happen to be a knitting fiend too (as we speak, there are three projects on my table and 5 more in bags). Thank you so much for this - it's a riot, and now I'll be a regular visitor too!

[Susan Ramsey]

Just as I'd finished reading your take on Wonder When You'll Miss Me and was thinking "Better tell Bonnie Jo -- her third novel's going to have some circus content from her selling Sno-Cones days..." I then see you're reading Bonnie Jo Campbell! Too funny -- or as her character Rachel would say, too goddam funny. Then chase down a copy of Rob Laughner's Our Nun and read the first paragraph. I won't need to nudge after that...

[Melissa Ennis]

Love the Yarn Diet. True, yarn is cheaper than therapy. For those of us who deal in serious grams, though -- it's cheaper than cocaine!

[Melanie]

Love this! I'll have to try all of them (not!).

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