DIRE STRAITS

Help me please. I have just been diagnosed with a serious illness. It’s called OCD....Obsessive Creative Disorder. Here are the symptoms that cinched my diagnosis.

• Delusions of possessing skills I really don’t have.
• Hallucinations of hand-crafted objects of exquisite beauty that were produced by MY hands.
• Compulsion to purchase top-of-the-line tools and technology to assist me in creating these objects that I don’t know how to do.
• Obsession with color, texture, pattern, and originality.
• Irrational belief that when I see an incredible hand-crafted item of tremendous beauty and more tremendous price tag, I can make it myself for a whole lot less.
• Inability to recognize that time is not available to learn all the skills necessary, let alone to actually do these crafts.
• Uncontrollable and unnatural desires to consort with machines.
• Irresistable need to forge ahead regardless of common sense.

The final clincher came yesterday, when I went over to Country Stitches just to look at their sewing machines. (Does this sound familiar? Remember what happened at The Apple Store?) They had this too-good-to-be-true rebate offer of 100% cashback rebate at the end of 3 years. I was sure I would immediately spot the “trick” and my curiousity would be satisfied.

But no trick, my saleswoman Sara told me. The rebate company counts on most people to forget to make their claim in 3 years. If I cross my Ts and dot my Is, I will get the full purchase price returned to me.

It happens that I am a T-crosser, and an I-dotter. Ok, I said to Sara. Show me what you’ve got. She started me off on a Husqvarna Viking Scandinavia 200 little number, computerized no less. Now this was not the fanciest kid on the block, but she’s no slouch either.  I told Sara I didn’t really want to sew at all, but there are a few chores I have reluctantly accepted it might be nice to be able to do. Straight  sewing; no bells and whistles. Don’t need the fancy stuff.

Sara sized me up pretty accurately. She didn’t mention the 5762 different stitch combinations this machine does. (I exaggerate only slightly.) She said first off, guaranteed no jamming. She said no need to oil it. She said the take up wheel would always stop in the right place, so I couldn’t mess up the bobbin. She said I could wind the bobbin without having to unthread the machine. She said I could sew buttons with it!!! Not just make buttonholes. It would actually sew on the buttons. It was like going to a psychic who really hits the target. How did she know that these were all the things I used to hate about sewing? I mentioned that I wanted to be able to sew straps or pockets onto felted items, and they were pretty thick. Could it handle that? She sat me down with a piece of denim folded to make 6 thicknesses. Purred through that like a hot knife through butter.

So, I asked the price. Then I asked to see what was available a few rungs down the ladder. Well you and I both know that after you’ve driven the Rolls, it makes a Kia look pretty bad. There was outright disdain in Sara’s voice when she took me to the back corner of the shop to look at Pfaffs. She wouldn’t even discuss a White with me. I tried out 4 different machines total, and of course, I ended up with Scandi 200. After all, my mind kept repeating, in three years I get my money back. It’s basically a free machine.

So now I have to live up to this machine. Before I left the store, I fell in love with a display of fabric bowls and boxes. That will be the first class I take in January. Guess what everyone is getting for Hanukah and Christmas next year?

But I digress. Back to my sorry sick state. Is there hope for me? Will I ever recover? If I’m not careful, one of these days I’ll drag out my paper and stencils and scalloped scissors, and finish off Becky’s Bat Mitzvah scrapbook. If I don’t find a cure, I may succumb all over again to rubber stampmadness. If this disease progresses, I might actually use up the beads I acquired the last time I had a touch of this, and make more jewelry.

What lies ahead for me? Will I make candles and do origami? Will I spin and hook rugs. Will I (the mind shudders at this thought) ever try needlepoint?

My epitaph someday will read.......She tried to do it all.

Comments

[pixie]

OHH!! I have my *first* sewing machine coming in January.. I was hoping to start all us knitters sewing once I post some FAB purse patterns from Amy Butler. I'm going to make a quilted pillow first, and then, AND THEN! EVERYTHING!

What got me started was the Sublime Stiching Kit from amazon.com that Jenny Hart makes. OH SO FAB, then I saw a martha stewart site pattern for a quilt made out of embroidered sqaures. OH HOW PERFECT for those Jenny Hart designs I thought, oh well ya know that would require A SEWING MACHINE!!

So my husband ordered me one for XMAS! coming THIS WEEK!! YAY! I got a Kenmore that is normall $500 for $300 weee!! It does the whole botton thing also, it EVEN monograms letters. The neat thing is it's actually a Janome!

SO YAY i hope to see you posting pics of sewn things :) I'm takin a class in January to!! Introductory Sewing LOL

[margene]

LOL Did you read my 100 things list? Welcome to the 'Delusions of Grandeur Club'.

[Beth]

Congrats on the Viking! Don't regret it - it will last you forever. Seriously - my aunt sews for a living and she swears by them.

[wendy]

OOOoooOOOO tis my favorite disorder it is! It is! Enjoy the machine and the Instant Gratification factor. Looking foward to seeing a new wave of creations from you!

[Tamsyn]

Congratulations! Don't forget to invest the time in owners classes; they are so valuable. I even repeated my series for reinforcement. Soon you will add fabric stashing to yarn stashing! And so it goes...

[Susan]

I recognize myself in your shopping story. The lure of the tools and supplies is practically irresistible!
Enjoy the machine and the creativity you bring to it!

[Larry]

Soapmaking! You didn't mention soapmaking. Not to be confused with soupmaking. I loved your post. That Sara is some kind of smart cookie, eh? Enjoy yourself and pray for more hours in the day.

[Barbara Sylvia]

Ditto to taking the owner's lessons. As a long time Viking owner and machine stitcher of garments and guilts, I felt I was too advanced to need the lessons. (grin) THE VERY FIRST words out of the instructors mouth were about something very handy that I did not know. When I bought my last machine, I did considerable research as to where to purchase. Country Stitches won hands down!

[PJ]

Being a quilter...my heart is envious!! oppps, should I have said the 'Q' word? Now that you have a wonderful machine, I will warn you fabric is no different than yarn...I warned you! OCD....ah it's finally been named! You may not cross your t's, but that description fits me to a 't'! With this disorder also comes with an insanely long list of projects planned complete with materials needed..and some not even started months later..! There really is NO cure other than to accept it!

[Susan]

How fun! I can't sew a stitch but am in awe of anyone who can. When my son was little, his nanny used to make all his clothes while he took his naps. Talk about an overachiever.

[Karen]

Helpful way to remember to send in your rebate: put it on your calendar for a month or so before the deadline. If you keep a calendar and stick to it (I don't, but the boss does, and does things like this), you won't forget and that machine is free!

I want a machine too...but not til I own a home...until then, I'll covet everyone else's. :)

[jenifleur]

Heh. I started out with the Viking Rose. But I had to take advantage of their policy to give you 100% of what you paid toward an upgrade if you do so within the first year. So now I have the Designer I. Priced at nearly $6000. But with my trade in and a couple other discounts I paid less, of course. It's a great machine, but I gotta say-it's been in for service three times in three years. That line about how it can sew through 8 layers of denim is a lie. But I still love love love it. Take advantage of all the free lessons! I was so happy to take up knitting because when it's all said and done, it's still a way cheaper hobby than sewing, even if I only knit with luxury fibers. Why? Because I have the same disease you have and so has my husband. Not content to settle for utilitarian!!

[amy]

Wow. That sounds like some fancy machine - and quite a deal! We've got three machines in the house, but I'm feeling a little machine envy. Oh, and maybe origami would help. I just recently stumbled over the fact (which probably everyone else already knows) that folding a 1000 paper cranes is supposed to have healing powers. Think you can fit it in?

[carolyn]

there are worse things to be right.
like someone who didn't try to do anything.
or who didn't try to do anything well.
you just keep right on being who you are

[Nathalie]

yep- you just held up a mirror, and there I was looking back at me!

Cheers
nat

[Tam]

Great post! I believe that I suffer from the very same disorder. Thanks for putting a name to it! =)

[Teresa]

You will get everything done that you want to, just need to live to be 150. That's what I'm planning on doing.

[Stephanie]

I wish I could help you. Sadly, there is no cure. I own three sewing machines and I sew, maybe...twice a year? We don't have to discuss the rotary cutter and self healing mat behind the piano. It's a disease.

[Jill]

Take it from a rug hooker who has now embraced knitting, resistance is futile. Enjoy your new machine!

[crackersnacker]

Have a happy holidays and all th best in the year to come..I didnt realize sewing machines were so exspensive WOWZA!

[aidanandclairesmom]

I talked to this same Sara today and got the same shpelle. So, you read all the fine print and it's really a legitimate offer of 100% providing you mail in the rebate in the 30 day window of 35-36 months after purchase? I had the little ones with me so I couldn't go into too much detail. Any help would be appriciated.

[Julia]

Is that a computer table your machine is sitting on? Didn't they offer to show you the sewing machine cabinets they had? What a missed opportunity. What a fun purchase. My first machine was a Kenmore for Christmas when I was 12 - I had just learned to sew from my great aunt. It was an awesome gift considering our family means at the time. Now I have a Bernina -but not a computerized one - I have earned the right to own one, trust me. Good luck with your new toy.