This week’s Newsweek Magazine has an article about blogging (p.15). I was struck by a quote from that article. “ ‘The more raucous you are, the more page views you get.”
I think it’s time to get raucous. I’ve decided that I should stir things up a bit on this blog. I’ve been too much of a fence-sitter, a middle-of-the-roader, a stay-out-of-mischief-maker. It’s time to become a risk-taker. So what if I offend someone and lose a reader? New readers will flock to me because I’ll become known as a sensationalistic knitblogger.
I’ve thought long and hard about what issue to take a stand on. What do I care about enough to spout off and be heard, regardless of the consequences? What am I steamed up about enough to risk being politcally, personally, and socially incorrect? There are plenty of topics going around: presidential preferences of course (I will vote), the war in Iraq (caught between Iraq and a hard place), did Dan Rather muck up his career? (Duh!) Who gets to marry whom? (I love weddings.) Did Brittany Spears really get married? (Does anyone really care?)
There are a lot of choices. I almost zeroed in on this guaranteed controversial topic: Sex. But I realized I didn’t have much to say. I support sex. ‘Nuff said.
Finally, I’ve narrowed it down to one incredibly important issue to everyone in modern society. I’m going to put my views out there, and if you disagree with me, well phooey on you. Here it is.
I want to declare a War on Time.
Yes, Time is our Enemy. Time governs our lives. Time is a despot, a dictator, a tyrannical ruler. We need to wrest control back into our own biological clocks. Are you all with me so far?
I want each and every one of my readers to search his or her own soul, and join with me in a groundswell of support for legislation to outlaw time. We need to circulate petitions to the same lawmaking body that created Daylight Savings Time. If we can tinker with one hour, why not all 24? Just abolish time. Get rid of all the clocks, the watches, the cellphones with time and date stamps. See that number in the corner of your computer? Mine says 7:34 right now. Get that right out of there. Who needs to know that you’ve been sitting at the computer for 3 hours and 36 minutes? Your bottom knows it. Your neck knows it. The dirty dishes know it. You don’t need a clock to tell you.
It might be confusing for a day or two. But we’ll all adapt. There is a precedent for this. In my school, we did away with the bells a while back. We didn’t have chaos. We didn’t have shorter classes. We didn’t lose students who thought they never had to go back to class because the bell never rang. It’s a proven fact that if your classroom doesn’t have a clock in it, students will still suddenly start closing books and putting pencils away at the same time, and it will always be 5 minutes before the teacher is done.
Really, it could work. Suppose you and your significant other want to go to the movies. You wander over there, and the movie has started. Oh well. You’ll catch it later. You could go for a walk. You could stop and have a soda. You could go home and do passionate things. You could take your books, your knitting, your cameras, your guitars, your frisbee, your whatever to a park and just….play. You could play until the streetlights come on. Or until it got too cold. Or until your internal sensor said you were sleepy.
I know some naysayers are already coming up with criticisms of my plan. Go ahead…let’s get some controversy generated. Give it your best shot. Defend Time….I challenge you.
(We will return to regularly scheduled knitting talk when I stop having the sneezy, sniffley, coughy, achey, raspy throaty, sinus-pressured, deep-down tired-out blues, which attacked me suddenly, viciously, and without warning at 6:45 PM yesterday. I know everyone will support a War on the Common Cold.)